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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27859214">Feelings are Fatal</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckinqueen/pseuds/fuckinqueen'>fuckinqueen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Note (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Kira, Angst, Death, Feelings are Fatal - song, Feelings are Fatal lyrics, Fluff, Graphic depictions of violence - Freeform, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I know, It says, Just in case if I overdescribe again, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Warning: Suicide, light fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:07:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>961</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27859214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckinqueen/pseuds/fuckinqueen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It's always for you<br/>And never for me<br/>And I need it to stop<br/>So let me tell you, please…</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Near and Mello, fifteen and thirteen, have just recently gotten together. It's both what they've wanted. …Why… is there a need to supress his feelings? Near doesn't know, but now he can't stop. </p><p>Or, where Near never feels okay and can't say it out loud.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mello | Mihael Keehl/Near | Nate River</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Feelings are Fatal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi! Nice to see ya! I suppose you've read the tags? You should, if you haven't. (Most likely you have)</p><p>SO! Down to business:</p><p>I do not own Death Note nor the song. I love Death Note and the song, and if it were mine I wouldn't think it's as good as it is. xD That always happens.</p><p>I absolutely adore this song, so I think all of you should go listen to it! Especially the animatic version (it includes lyrics) with the bunny girl and the human. It's so sweet and sad, and, well… doesn't end as sadly.</p><p>Keep in mind please that this is meant to be angst and incredibly sad. Please keep in mind that I'm assigning myself the duty of making you cry right now, okay? Grab tissues if you have a soft heart (soft doesn't mean weak! :D) or you could even leave. I don't blame you. I do not expect much kudos here. xD I probably won't even be able to make it to the bottom.</p><p>BUT! I like the idea of adding some fluff, so I'm tagging it as such. Mello and Near's (Mostly Near's, honestly.) story goes slow, so expect some dull parts. It happens. xD </p><p>I love all of you who make it to the end note. You are truly strong, in my eyes. I… have a tendency of overdescribing things. If even my happy fics make some people sad… ooooh boiii. xD</p><p>I hope you are willing to give this all your heart while reading, as I did with writing it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Mello…?" Near turns around from staring out the window at the soft touch of none other than Mello; Mello's the only one who'll touch him like that.

</p><p>And Mello didn't even used to touch him like that. They were "enemies" once. In Mello's eyes, they truly were. In Near's, they were just not friends, and both were L's successors. Still are, but now they're willing to work together.

</p><p>"Stop staring out the window and actually come outside!" Mello's eyes twinkle. Near huffs and shakes his head slowly. He didn't mean it as a refusal, just a, <i>here he goes again</i> type thing, but Mello takes it as a refusal, and his eyes darken. "Really?"

</p><p>"No. Where? Where would we go? There are too much people out there." Near turns back to the window, and stares back out at the laughing children who run around, talking and playing. "And outside is naturally dirty. It's disgusting."

</p><p>"Of COURSE it's naturally dirty!" Mello cries, lightly shoving Near's shoulder. He does it gently, playfully. Not something he'd've done before.

</p><p>Before…

</p><p>Near turns around again and kisses Mello. It surprises the blonde; Near rarely ever takes the initiative. Rarely ever. And never has he ever kissed or touched Mello like that while people can see.

</p><p>But what can Near say? He's looking into the past and hating what it once was.

</p><p>"Mm… I dunno…" Mello becomes occupied with Near's lips against his, taking both of Near's hands, down by their sides, and presses the front of their bodies together.</p><p>It's distracting, and at the moment, Near will let anything distracting happen to him.

</p><p>It gets a little too far when Mello pushes Near onto the sill of the window, pinning Near between the glass and himself. The blonde's hands dart to the back of Near's knees, pulling the younger teenager's legs around his waist.</p><p>"Mello… are they looking?" Near groans, shifting uncomfortably. He is truly enjoying this. At least, his body is. His mind screams that this is wrong and revealing.

</p><p>"Mm… I don't know…" Mello practically growls, his voice the sound of a frustrated, horny teenager. Near fades away partially and wonders what it'd look like from the outside; his back pressed up against the window, so they'd see a blur of white, and white hair, and even if that's all they see, Mello's taller, so they'll probably see a flash of black and blonde hair.

</p><p>"Out…side… outside…" Near's eyes slide closed. Mello backs away with a strained laugh. He probably thinks Near can't hear the upset in his tone.

</p><p>"Alright. Unless… if you wanna go elsewhere?" Near's eyes blink open again, staring into beautiful azure ones across from him.

</p><p>"Where?"

</p><p>"Somewhere where if I press you against a window, you won't freak out that you're being seen. Unless if you like the crowd?" Near shakes his head slowly.

</p><p>"For now, I don't say I do…" he says this in his contemplating tone, slowly turning his head, tilting it, and twirling a lock of his curls around his index finger. Mello scowls.

</p><p>"Whatever. We could go to the library to study?" The blonde looks away suddenly. <i>What did I do?</i> Near thinks, pursing his lips thoughtfully. He cannot show his hurt. Mello's showing his, but Near can't show his. Actually… he could, but lately he's been finding it hard to.

</p><p>"Alright then."

</p><p>They start walking towards the library, and Mello automatically becomes bubbly and bouncy again. Talking a mile a minute, while Near nods along and keeps his hands in his hair, wondering if maybe he said the wrong answer to Mello's question. He rarely ever gets a question wrong, so if this one was it, then it's a little upsetting. <i>Perhaps I must study up on these things? I do not know how to be involved in a romantic relationship. Or… is it purely sexual?</i></p><p>He feels lonely. Everything and everyone fades away, and he's left alone, wandering down an empty hallway with blank, white walls. White ceiling, white floor. Everything is white. He looks down, and the only color is the blood dripping from his left hand's index finger, where the right is in his hair, and the left is in his mouth. He's biting down on it. The red is such a contrast from the white, that it looks bright and unreal.</p><p>He's breaking. That much is clear. The way he feels shows it, the way he faded away from everything, the way he switched to autopilot. Even the way the pain on his finger gives him relief from everything.

</p><p>What is he so afraid of, though? Being alone? The thought of being alone makes him… alone. Lonely. It's actually quite strange. He's never minded it before. Unless if it's Mello's fault; now that he has something, he doesn't want to let go.</p><p>Someone's words break into Near's isolation: "Near, where are  you goin? We're already there." Something about these words make Near feel like it fits his situation perfectly.

</p><p>He snaps back to life, and the first thing he sees is Mello watching him warily. <i>Did he ever like me? Is he scared of me? Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer? I'm being used.</i>

</p><p>"Hey," Mello whispers softly, "I'm… getting much better… at handling my outbursts. And… my temper, and impulsiveness. And I'm not studying so late into the night." Near smiles, hiding his sorrow and pain away. He can deal with that later.

</p><p>"I'm happy for you. I'll always be happy for you. Anything for you." He whispers these words, as to not let his shaking be heard. Mello must take that as a copy of his own whisper. "Always for you."

</p><p>He truly does mean it. Anything for Mello, to keep him at his side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, as you can see, I'm going slowwwwww. ^^ Good for you guys! The chapters will be short, and I think this'll be over in maybe 8-10 chapters? Or less. No more than 10.</p><p>I hope you liked this chapter!!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You made it! Hooray! I hope you enjoyed it, and I am prepared for whatever may come from (hopefully, if I've done my job right) partially-broken hearts. I don't care if you comment the most hateful note. The most hateful thing (I don't expect that much, but it could happen! ^^) I don't care. I deserve it!! ^^ COME AT ME! I WILL BEAR YOUR SADNESS- AFTER ALREADY MAKING YOU CRY. MWAHAHAHA.</p><p>I will work on fluff and stuff after this fic… I might need a break. xD</p></blockquote></div></div>
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